Quick background: Someone was having a bit of a meltdown. For some reason, I immediately thought of Clive James’ excellent poem “The Book of My Enemy Has Been Remaindered” and the second verse of that seemed more than apropos. So here it is, parodied in response to someone’s relationship nigthmare cum meltdown. Enjoy !
The ghost of my boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend has been defeated
And I rejoice.
It has gone without its head like a defeated vampire
It was beneath a joke
What avail her now her pleading and tears ?
The praise expended upon her meticulous cowgirl technique,
Her individual new handbag ?
Knocked up by someone else by the middle of next week
Her brain now consorts with the bed bugs
A stinker, a whore, a bitch and witch,
The Essex Girl of the small world of moveable hype,
The slagger that no amount of stain-remover could shift,
The unreformable turkey.