Over the Christmas break, I found an old fountain pen I used many years ago at university and to write letters.  Although the pen doesn’t work any more, it brought back some interesting memories, many of which were related to letters written many years ago.  I had forgotten how good it was to write letters and so I have decided to write some “letters” to my “aunts” which summarise what is going on where I am and (some of) the things I am getting up to.

Dear Aunt Agatha,

 

Compliments of the season to you and best wishes for the new year – thank you for your interesting Christmas card.  It was so interesting in fact, it got demolished by the cat and dog in a joint pincer movement operation which would have made some famous generals proud ! I wish I had videoed it for uploading on to YouTube.

 

As I have been chastised by my aunts (including your good self) on more than one occasion to write to you all, I am doing so with tempered enthusiasm.

 

The event of the moment was a public necropsy of a great white shark.  It may seem like a throw back to ancient times but I can tell you it was done in the Domain in front of a sizeable crowd of 2,500 people.  There was, however, some little disappointment when the contents of its stomach were revealed to be the remains of some fish and a fish hook rather than a whole fur seal as some had predicted. 

 

Uncle Antonius might appreciate a look at the pictures:

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/image.cfm?c_id=1&gal_cid=1501129&gallery_id=104048

 

But I far preferred to read about Nigerian motocyclists wearing dried pumpkin shells on their head to protest against the new compulsory helmet law just introduced.  Unfortunately, it seems that the road safety authority have got the wrong end of the stick – it seems to me that instead of a un-green plastic helmet, this biodegrable and natural alternative might be leading the way in this field. 

 

Thank you for the tarot cards by the way – we played poker with them last week and I wonder whether that had anything to do with ex-All Black captain Taine Randall moving back to the Hawkes Bay and ex-All Black coach John Mitchell facing a player revolt in Western Australia.  I am mindful of my Chinese horoscope for the year, however – I need to get on better with people in general.  But it’s very hard when you’re a lawyer.

 

At your prodding, I have been engaging with other bohemians on various subjects – this week, we were debating the merits of intelligence, whether high intelligence + high net wealth = nitro + glycerine, and the like.  As always, stimulating as it is, we never reached a conclusive answer except on the merits of putting Wedgewood platters in the dishwasher – apparently, you can. Although now that they are going under, perhaps it might be better not to use your dining service and take it to auction instead as it might become a collector’s item in a minute.  

 

I learned a new word last week – “demimonde”.  On sober reflection, I think I would like one.

 

We are drinking a moderate amount of Piper Heidsieck champagne again this year.  Given all the doom and gloom, it is a light, fruity and necessary anaesthetic without any depth, much like a tall, wispy female with hair the colour of the wine.  Good news on the 2008 New Zealand Rieslings – they are generally fresh and acidic and some are actually quite sweet. You would enjoy, I think.

  

I was a little taken aback by your suggestion I try and improve my flirting skills – I am not a flirt.  I am very comfortable as an ordinary looking, dyed-in-the-wool semi-conservative, pithy, cynic.  Besides, I have a mortgage now and one bottle of exotic moisterizer (Issey Miyake, no less) should be more than sufficient for the time being. 

   

The weather here is good – many fine days and I sympathise with my friends in colder regions with this mangled Shakespeare – “Now is the winter of our discontent made glorious summer by getting on an airplane for about 20 hours and heading to a beach”. 

 

I must away –the nude beach volleyball is starting shortly.  Best regards to Uncle Antonius.  I promise to write again soon. 

 

Yours Truly,

 

 

TI

 

 

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About TI

TI is based in Auckland, New Zealand. TI's somewhat eclectic interests include (but are certainly not limited to) legal humour (the law can be funny), good wine, the search for the best possible chocolate, alcoholic beverages, travel, commercial aircraft, photography, weird news stories and classical music.
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